"The Nun" Review: Save Your Money for the Warren's Next Adventure
Since its debut in 2013, The Conjuring has grown beyond stand-alone status into a fully realized cinematic universe, all fueled by the real-life investigations of Ed and Lorraine Warren. The newest entry in this gathering of demons and ghouls is Valak, the hell-spawned nun first seen terrorizing the Warren’s home in The Conjuring 2. Director Colin Hardy takes the viewer back to the source of the demon’s power in the newest Conjuring-related film. However, the interpersonal relationships and horrific imagery of the source films have unfortunately been stripped away, leaving a carnival ride that fans of the horror genre have ridden a few too many times before.
Upon hearing of a suspicious suicide at the Abbey of St. Carta, the Vatican dispatches paranormal investigator Father Burke (Demián Bichir) and novitiate Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga) to the Romanian countryside. Upon their arrival at the Abbey, the pair, along with French Canadian farmer “Frenchie” (Jonas Bloquet), confront and attempt to overcome Valak’s evil influence.
Despite providing an imposing, Hammer Films-esque haunted house and vague glimpses of the dark history of the Abbey, the film chooses to provide a minimum amount of world building. After all, the filmmakers have viewers to scare! However, the scares here mostly fall flat, as the viewer is rarely exposed to anything truly terrifying.
The old standbys are all here: unseen forces inverting crosses, undead beings lurking around the corner, and mysterious pairs of hands reaching out from the dark-all accompanied by a shrieking violin or loud otherworldly thump. Look, a jump scare is an effective way to get a reaction from the viewer, but so is any unexpected loud noise. The most iconic films of the horror genre invade the mind of the viewer, implanting imagery and a sense of unease that lasts long after the lights go up in the theater. Unfortunately, The Nun provides very little in the way of true nightmare fuel. Instead, the film relies on recycled cliches and involuntary nervous system responses to illicit cheap reactions from its viewers. Some imagery may have felt transgressive at an earlier time but feels tired in 2018.
The quickly established characters of Burke and Irene, both possessing hints of a troubled past, ultimately serve as little more than engines to move the barebones plot forward. The dialogue between the two consists mainly of heavy exposition punctuated by screaming. The duo constantly separate, dragging the audience from scare to scare until finally reuniting with Frenchie and Valak for the film’s welcomed ending.
Credit should be given to Farmiga, who injects some level of humanity into her character. Nonetheless, the film gives the viewer little reason to care about the fate of its inhabitants. Bichir’s portrayal of Father Burke is relegated to a confused facial expression and the desire to run towards any strange sight or otherworldly sound the film throws at him. The campers at Camp Crystal Lake had more sense than the Vatican’s top “Miracle Hunter” has in this film.
It could be argued that the traditional imagery and lack of characterization is itself an homage to the B-movies of old. After all, weak characterization in horror films isn’t exactly a new phenomenon, and lord knows film buffs have seen their fair share of haunted houses/castles/hotels/etc, but The Nun doesn’t fully commit to B-Movie status. Instead, it floats somewhere between Hollywood blockbuster and midnight trash. If the filmmakers chose to lean further toward one of the two extremes, it may have resulted in a better product. However, the lack of commitment here hurts more than helps.
Save your money for the Warren’s next official adventure, and leave The Nun alone.
Rating: D+
"The Final Girls" Review:
I remember watching “Friday the 13th” and “Nightmare on Elm Street” marathons on the occasional Friday the 13th back in the day. Even though I would watch from underneath a blanket in fear, it was something about the slasher flicks that I enjoyed. “The Final Girls” is a celebration of the 1980s style slasher flicks. It knows what it is and what it’s doing. It’s a movie on the timeline of a cinematic history full of movies and it uses tropes from over the years to make its point. There is so much going on in the film that highlights the past through a contemporary lens, but in the best way possible!
Max (Taissa Farmiga) was always playing the role of the grown up with her mother, Amanda (Malin Akerman), a one time star of “Camp Bloodbath” 1 and 2. Three years after losing her mother in a car accident, Max is invited to a movie marathon of her mother’s biggest role by the franchise’s biggest fan, Duncan (Thomas Middleditch). Max drags her best friend Gertie (Alia Shawkat) to the theater. They run into Max’s possible new flame Chris (Alexander Ludwig) and his ex/mean girl, Vicki (Nina Dobrev). The teens double for the stereotypical characters that can be seen in “Camp Bloodbath”.
After a fire breaks out in the theater, the group try to escape through the theater screen to the back exit but are transported into the “Camp Bloodbath” movie, “Last Action Hero”-style. They soon discover they are stuck in a continuous 92-minute loop of the film and the only way to get out is to get involved in it. As the film moves forward, each cast member steps into their position. Duncan is the genius who knows the Camp Bloodbath movies in and out. While you may assume that you know how everyone else fills their roles, it’s their interaction with their counterparts that makes the film so interesting!
As Chris interacts with Kurt (Adam DeVine), the jock of Camp Bloodbath, viewers can see the 80’s definition of the athletic male stereotype versus the 2015 version. Yet, where the movie finds a lot of it’s emotional depth is in the interaction with Max and her mom’s character, Nancy. The chance for Max to speak to her mom again turns “The Final Girls” into a fun movie with wit and heart.
For the film geeks, the movie is technically proficient and brilliantly executed. All the elements of slasher films are there for dissecting through humorous scenes thatserve the story: slow motion running, backstory flashbacks, stepping over titles, jump screams from the killer appearing in the window, swelling scores, and so much more that this review could turn into a paper. There are plenty of spoof horror films out that you probably can roll your eyes thinking about right now, but this I assure you is not one of those.
“The Final Girls” is an absolutely brilliant film that celebrates the process of filmmaking, the history of slasher films, and the emotions we feel as viewers when we go to the movies. You can’t reinvent the wheel that Wes Craven created in “Scream”. However, you can create your own brand. “The Final Girls” does that and some! Go see it now!
Rating: A+