"The Union" Review: A Soulless Espionage Comedy
“The Union” puts Netflix’s flex of money on display. It has the locations, A list stars and action set pieces of a big budget film. However, don’t let the glitz and glam fool you, this movie can’t buy a heart or soul to make it the espionage comedy it wants to be.
Roxanne Hall (Halle Berry) is a top agent in The Union. The Union is like the FBI or CIA but flies under the radar according to boss Tom Brennan (J.K. Simmons). After a mission goes wrong, Hall recruits her old high school sweetheart, Mike McKenna (Mark Wahlberg). He’s a nobody that no one would expect or have intel on. The goal is to get some piece of technology.
Here’s the deal, this movie follows the beats of any fast moving espionage film of the last decade. It starts with a compromised mission. There’s a recruit of the main character, terrible exposition, one liners, and the twists we knew were coming from the opening scene!
Wahlberg plays his usual every man as a tough guy from Jersey. Berry was amazing as an action star in John Wick: Chapter 3 Parabellum but she looks and sounds like someone’s auntie who caught a break in film after taking acting classes at the local Y for the past year. This is her film and vehicle but it’s oddly driven. We get a strong supporting cast of J.K. Simmons, Mike Colter, Jackie Haley and Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje who got a check here.
There are plenty of films that you see on Netflix that you’re glad you didn’t have to leave the comfort of your couch to see. This is one of them. There are grand set pieces, decent action choreography and beautiful people, but this movie is something to have on in the background while you work.
Rating: C-
"Fatal Affair" Review: An Entertaining Entanglement That Never Was
Fatal Affair is the latest in a long line of supposed salacious, psychological thrillers. Unfortunately, this turns out to be a flaccid film that will leave you talking to the screen for all the wrong reasons. Nia Long and Omar Epps do their best phoned in performances to keep this afloat. So in a sense, Netflix did it again! It cranked out some get with your boo and laugh entertainment.
Let me catch you up quickly so I can get to the jokes. Ellie (Long) is a high powered attorney, and David (Epps) is the hacker companies call on when they need something to be found. After running into each other in a chance work encounter, after years of not seeing each other since college, David wants that old thing back! That old thing never was, but for a brief moment in a club, after drinks, lonely Ellie almost crosses the line of her marriage to Marcus (Stephen Bishop) and hooks up with David. That little taste of almost heaven sends David on a mission to make Ellie his.
That’s the set up for the movie. So you know how the rest of it goes. We slowly see David’s narcissism and anger come to the forefront over a series of multiple calls, texts, “chance” encounters and watching Ellie through windows that should have blinds drawn. David makes it clear that he and Ellie can work it out and Marcus doesn’t have to know. While Ellie refuses, David only amps up the possibility of bringing her marriage to an end.
This movie doesn’t provide anything new for the genre. Part of the problem is that the moments that actually make you start to engage with the film seriously, end almost as quickly as they begin. Moments of tension and suspense aren’t held out long enough, but they are sprinkled throughout the film. Nia Long attempts to bring some emotion to her role as Ellie. After all being an attorney who is successful enough to have a house on the beach and her own firm, but stupid enough to entertain a mad man takes skill! I did enjoy seeing Omar Epps do his best to channel Bishop! Having got the juice 28 years ago, I guess he finally decided to prove it.
It’s not that this movie is the worst of the genre. It’s just that Fatal Affair isn’t quite abysmal and it isn’t that good. So I highly suggest you grab your bae or some friends and some wine for this one! It will be entertaining. Here’s my rating and some extras for you.
Rating: C-
Top 8 things my wife and I said to the screen:
“This is stupid!”
“Why don’t you just tell your husband!?”
“Now if you know he’s a hacker, why would you send an email?”
“If he’s a hacker, why doesn’t he have a password on his phone?”
“Omar is trying!”
“Poor Stephen Bishop! He done got to’ up in this movie! “
“Stab him! Stab him! Awww, come on!”
“Get the gun!”
Twitter quips that had me rollin’:
Pretty Little Liars: “To Plea or Not to Plea” Review
Pretty Little Liars
Season 5.23
“To Plea or Not to Plea”
Previously on Pretty Little Liars…
Alison is offered a plea bargain as her prison hazing reaches dangerous new heights. Spencer gets duped (by guess who) in London. Emily wins the “Fearless PLL Sleuth Award” as she uncovers “A Big” clue. Aria finally comes to her senses! Hanna, poor Hanna, learns that orange is not a good color for her. This episode definitely had undertones of deceit and drama as A pulls a fast one on the girls.
Ali almost tells her lawyer about Mike’s revelation that Mona faked her death. When her lawyer asks “does this person know for a fact where you where at the time of the murder?”, Alison says no. Her lawyer tells her that this can’t help her case, so Alison does not share any further information about Mike. It’s very interesting, because she actually could have shared it anyway. Her lawyer tells her that the DA is offering a plea bargain agreement if Ali pleads guilty and tells who her accomplice was. She can get fifteen years and could be out in ten versus life without parole. After all, the police have been building a case around the person they believe helped Ali...Hanna Marin!!! Alison has a big decision to make and that decision will let us see more clearly into Alison’s motives.
Spencer is still in London. Even though her mother has supposedly set up another college interview for her, she is trying to book a flight back to Rosewood. Melissa convinces her to stay by sharing how different her life is since she moved to London. The first-born Hastings fills Spencer’s head with so much “I want to be a real big sister to you and share hair and make-up tips” garbage, that Spence falls for it and stays. Conveniently, Melissa and Wren’s flat mate, Collin, asks Spencer on a date to the Royal Shakespeare Company. Melissa follows through and gives Spencer the perfect dress for the date and Spencer goes off with Collin to see Hamlet and “legally” buy her first beer/pint. Hastings’ money, scheming, lies and a handsome guy to kiss Spencer prevail once again! Spencer later learns that there is no interview. Her mother thought Alison was going to name Spence as her accomplice, so they decided to conspire to keep her out of the Rosewood.
Well the word is out about Aria and Andrew. Emily sees the note that Andrew left in Aria’s locker about their upcoming date. Aria brushes all of that aside because she is focused on passing her History test and finding a way to help her brother stay out of trouble. So Emily goes to Ezra and asks if he found any information about Varjak when he was researching for his book. STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN Emily! Can’t you see that Ezra is still up to his neck in shady behavior!!! He has been out of town so much, mysteriously buys the Brew even though he is jobless, and he is just too shifty eyed and fidgety to be trusted! Oh well, she trusts him anyway and goes with him to James Neilan’s office. How ironic is it that Neilan was the attorney that gave Hanna the envelope from Mona in the Christmas episode? They go to his office but only Ezra goes inside. He thinks Neilan is working for A, and when he demands that he tell him who he is working for or tell the police….the camera cuts outside to Emily who has been joined by Aria and when never learn what Neilan says. As soon as Ezra leaves Neilan jumps in his car and of course the liars follow him to a remote gated property equipped with cameras. Hmm…. this place looks familiar. Yes, I think the PLLs have partied there in the past!
When Ezra sees the text from Andrew, “Congrats on killing the test, beautiful” on Aria’s phone it slows he and Aria down. But Emily shows us that she is no longer the weakest link, as she is the only one that gets through the gate before it closes. She searches the garbage and hits the Jackpot when she finds a pizza receipt with the name Varjak and the phone number 727 242 7839. Compare that number to the Letters on you phone’s key pad and you will find a major clue!!! (or just check out my blog at cdjack11cdjack11.tumblr.com where I re-blogged an anonymous blogger who shared how another blogger cracked the code!) Emily then spies Neilen taking money from a safe while getting instructions from someone (Varjak??) on the phone. Great job Emily!!!
Back at the Women’s Correctional facility Alison’s jail cell gets trashed and the words Take The Plea are painted on her wall. That’s not all. The one who bullied so many in the past gets bullied prison style as she is burned on one arm with an iron in the laundry room and is cut on the other. This really scares Ali! She calls her lawyer and asks if she can be moved to a less dangerous facility if she take the plea.
Before I conclude with the saddest news ever to air on PLL let me share some good news: Ezria broke up!!!! Get your life, Aria!!! I know you love him, but please stay away from Slim Shady!!! He may not be A, but I feel he is still lying to you all about some big things.
It is with a heavy heart that I must share that the last couple standing, my OTP (One True Pairing), is now separated by the bars of a jail cell. Caleb was right by Hanna’s side when she took his advice to share all the evidence she had on A with Lt. Tanner. Of course, just as she is ready to meet with Tanner, A remotely hacks her phone and removes all the evidence! (Later Em and Aria’s phones are erased too)
When Hanna sees Ali in jail, she gives her the Stare of Death!!!
But, wait a minute Hanna, Ali did not take the plea after all. Ladies and gentlemen, Alison DiLaurentis has turned a corner. Instead of lying and giving up her friend, she has decided to go to trial. With just two more episodes and then the season finale, I think we better all strap in folks. This is going to be one wild A ride! Until next time, remember to keep you friends close and your secrets closer!!!
Empire: "Out, Damned Spot" Review
Empire
Season 1 Ep. 6
“Out, Damned Spot”
“Empire” never ceases to please with explosive openings. We find Cookie getting dolled up to meet with Lucious. She walks into a ritzy restaurant wearing her best fur. As she meets Lucious near the entrance, she quickly learns that he invited her not for the date that she thinks, but to tell the family he’s engaged to Anika. Never to be bested, Cookie spills the beans on the rose Lucious sent her in “Dangerous Bonds”, and reveals the lingerie she had under her coat for everyone, and especially Lucious and Anika’s eyes.
What I’m starting to enjoy about Cookie is not only that she’s real, but she doesn’t mind speaking up and acting a fool! While it is becoming a bit one note, Taraji P. Henson slays the role with every Cookie tantrum and pep talk. This week she hooked Jamal up by getting a big sports star to tweet about Jamal’s song, helping it get buzz.
Jamal’s slow rise to success is already weighing on his paranoid boyfriend. While it’s good to have vision and awareness, Michael is doing too much. At first I thought his insecurities were going to rip their relationship apart, but Cookie didn’t help much informing him that he should be prepared for Jamal to be busy. Jamal didn’t help his relationship either in not telling the world that he had a boyfriend during a Sirius radio interview with Sway. Honestly, Jamal looked like he was over Michael the entire episode.
Remember how I talked about Andre covering for his father in “False Imposition“? It came back to haunt in this episode. As Vernon confronts Andre with a choke hold to get the truth about his false alibi, Andre confirms his role as his father’s eternal way out whether Andre knows what he’s covering for or not.
Hakeem is dealing with Tiana’s side chick in the only way someone with something to prove would. Looking like a fake Nelly, Hakeem shows up drunk in the club. He once again asks for Jamal’s help and is rejected for what seems like the final time. He does, however, manage to put out another banger to combat Jamal’s music.
Vernon gets a little more screen time and new layers to his character are added. We find out that he’s a recovering alcoholic. We also learn that Vernon and Andre have a coup in the works. Although, I find it hard to believe that Vernon is really going to play second fiddle to Andre after he questioned Bunky giving his life to serving Lucious.
This week had lots of cameos. Courtney Love came in as Elle, one of Empire’s first artist, a former chart topper now broken and strung out. Derek Luke came in as the new head of security. Yet perhaps the most out of place cameo was Raven-Symone as a (distant?) friend of the family, claiming the girl with her was Jamal’s daughter. We know how this is going to go! I’m predicting blood tests next week, and the next episode will be Michael’s last!
Cookie Crumbs:
- Anika is actually starting to stand her ground against Cookie. She still isn’t the head honcho though.
- Raven-Symone was doing a little too much in her role. I hope we won’t see too much of that character. How about Courtney Love’s appearance as Elle? It wasn’t a stretch for her to play a version of herself, but it was a decent performance.
- What do you think Vernon is cooking up? I’d say a double cross on Lucious and Andre. Why go from serving the devil to serving the devil’s bi-polar seed?
- As a recovering alcoholic, Vernon has a weakness. I think Lucious is going to use it to his advantage down the line.
East Los High: Season 2 Critique
I had to do a Top 6 for Season 2 of the popular Hulu Original show. I nerded out and went a bit in depth on the characters but I know ELH lovers and addicts won't mind!